The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize