Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
