I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
