his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
