it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize