i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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