its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize