just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
