I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
