My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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