im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think I just sharted jello shots
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