made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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