you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
