i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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