Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
