Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
