OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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