We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
