Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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