Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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