took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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