the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
