I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
