I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize