I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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