Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
