I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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