Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
