lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
