you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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