You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
