I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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