I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
