I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think my moral compass just broke
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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