I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
