Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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