and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
