Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize