it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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