There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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