Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
