Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What a dumb baby whore.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
