well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
