I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
