If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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