real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize