what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
