There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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