so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
