What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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