I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
