Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
