Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
