did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
