We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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