Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
