We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
