I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i barfeds in our rink
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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