My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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