Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
