I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
