He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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