Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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