i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
