So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
