i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
