i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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