Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
