I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
