I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
