Im at strip club and am horny
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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