I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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