evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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