Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
