I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize