I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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