So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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