My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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