Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
