dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
