Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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