Yo dont text me then not text me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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