dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
