OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this will be a night to untag.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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