i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
