What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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