Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
