What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
